tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37691562011-04-21T20:31:27.261-04:00For the RetardedI talk too much. And I never shut up.Noelnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1511100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-1165355671667454302006-12-05T16:54:00.000-05:002006-12-05T16:55:48.436-05:00 THUMBSUCKER2005, dir. Mike Mills 96 min. Rated R.Starring: Lou Pucci, Vincent D'Onofrio, Tilda Swinton, Ted Theodore LoganReview by Noel WoodI was a little disappointed when I found out that the Mike Mills that directed Thumbsucker was not the same one that plays the bass and sometimes sings for R.E.M. Michael Stipe's all about Independent film, so why not Mills? I guess he's Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-1165355578254803202006-12-05T16:51:00.000-05:002006-12-05T16:52:58.273-05:00THUMBSUCKER2005, dir. Mike Mills96 min. Rated R.Starring: Lou Pucci, Vincent D'Onofrio, Tilda Swinton, Ted Theodore LoganReview by Noel WoodI was a little disappointed when I found out that the Mike Mills that directed Thumbsucker was not the same one that plays the bass and sometimes sings for R.E.M. Michael Stipe's all about Independent film, so why not Mills? I guess he's too busy being the Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-1100641319185413502004-11-16T16:41:00.000-05:002004-11-16T16:41:59.186-05:00joethepeacock (4:22:29 PM): the only thing i wonder, really, is how did the transformers keep their windows from shattering?fortheretarded (4:24:06 PM): it's a space-age polymer that only LOOKS like glassfortheretarded (4:24:11 PM): or somethingjoethepeacock (4:25:02 PM): mm hmmjoethepeacock (4:25:11 PM): the REAL geek answer would have been "transparent aluminum"fortheretarded (4:25:32 PM): i Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-1061504346005652112003-08-21T18:19:00.000-04:002003-08-21T18:19:06.000-04:00Cannot find serverNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-897904162003-02-26T14:50:00.000-05:002003-02-26T14:52:34.000-05:00Three to get readyfor the retarded (2:12:05 PM): petty tendergrassbtterpants (2:22:53 PM): i told yall!Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-897897842003-02-26T14:38:00.000-05:002003-02-26T14:53:41.000-05:00Two For the Showbtterpants (12:13:42 AM): teddy pendergrassAuto Response from for the retarded (12:13:44 AM): Is it hot in here, or am I sweatin?btterpants (12:13:58 AM): teddy pendergrassNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-896462042003-02-24T10:18:00.000-05:002003-02-26T14:55:00.000-05:00One For the Moneybtterpants (8:10:44 PM): teddy pendergrassfor the retarded (8:10:54 PM):...Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-895051872003-02-21T12:04:00.000-05:002003-02-21T12:04:08.046-05:00Mr. T, 1983: "Jesus wore gold, he was offered gold in respect. So if gold is good enough for Jesus then gold is good enough for me."Mr. T, 1999: "I don't wear gold no more. The gold is in my heart. The gold couldn't save me." Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-894355922003-02-20T10:13:00.000-05:002003-02-20T10:13:06.683-05:00"Good Morning Mr. Breakfast!" "Good Morning Pee-Wee!""Would you like some Mr. T Cereal!""I Pity the Fool who don't eat my cereal!"Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-893119252003-02-18T11:06:00.000-05:002003-02-18T11:06:23.066-05:00Listen up, Suckas! You want to know what up with the T? The T made a video back in the day called BE SOMEBODY...OR BE SOMEBODY'S FOOL. And They gone and done a full-on review of it over on MCFTR. So go there now, suckas! I pity the fool who don't read my article! Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-890980272003-02-14T11:33:00.000-05:002003-02-14T11:33:06.773-05:00And I need all the love that I can't get toYou're a Deathrocker/Goth-Punk! You're into oldschool gloom-n-doom ghoul punk music, ripped uptight clothing, and big hair cut into unnaturaldesigns. You recognize the cheesiness in Goth,and play with it to your benefit.
What kind of Goth would you be? brought to you by Quizilla
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-890390272003-02-13T11:35:00.000-05:002003-02-13T11:36:25.000-05:00There's a crack in the mirror and a bloodstain on my bedSexy-like Vampire
What type of vampire are you? brought to you by Quizilla
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-890355182003-02-13T10:26:00.000-05:002003-02-13T10:26:58.913-05:00On candystripe legs the spiderman comesThis morning while waking up far too early from my slumberI heard a very loud buzzing noise from my windowsill and pulled apart the blinds to investigate the din. And to my suprise, there was a fly struggling within a beautiful cobweb. I sprang from my crypt to look closer and watched as a beautiful brown spider descended upon the hapless housefly and began Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-889751442003-02-12T10:11:00.000-05:002003-02-12T10:12:04.000-05:00The Bats Have Left the BelltowerI know it's not very tragic of me to say this, but I am totally into this Chef Boyardee Pepperoni Pizzazroli. Even though it's totally not on my diet. Current Music: Wolfsheim, "Once in a Lifetime". Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-889363852003-02-11T17:41:00.000-05:002003-02-11T17:41:01.160-05:00Thanks, PETE, for the more appropriate title.
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-889152402003-02-11T10:33:00.000-05:002003-02-11T10:33:33.540-05:00One time my friend had an entire dinner table convinced that he worked as a pork broker. He went in to tons of detail about his imaginary job and the benefits that he reaped from the experience. When the truth was revealed that he made it all up, there was at least one person who legitimately offended by his chicanery. Ah, I miss those days.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-888586872003-02-10T12:14:00.000-05:002003-02-10T12:15:05.000-05:00Daily outrage: The price of my daily breakfast consisting of bacon and eggs went up from 1.88 to 2.43. Breaking that third dollar is going to put me in the poor house stat. Oh, and speaking of pork, the worst voice to wake up to in the morning is WSB sports jockey Tony Schiavone. Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-887295992003-02-07T18:03:00.000-05:002003-02-07T18:04:58.000-05:00Does anyone here read Kanji? I want to know just exactly how to order if I ever go into a Japanese butcher shop.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-886528372003-02-06T11:02:00.000-05:002003-02-06T11:36:06.000-05:00Also, those guys dancing below and to the left are timed perfectly with De La Soul's "Pass the Plugs". Also, I'm convinced that my cat can poop her own body weight daily. Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-886495502003-02-06T09:52:00.000-05:002003-02-06T12:29:47.000-05:00On microwaves without the preset buttons for certain foods, it suprises me that everyone I know tends to follow strict "up to the minute" rules when programming them. For instance, when I put a plate of food in to reheat, why the hell would putting it in for three minutes exactly do me any good in the long run? Did someone designate that a magic time? I mean, really, who are we to think we're Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-886099452003-02-05T16:29:00.000-05:002003-02-05T17:08:41.000-05:00PORK INVADERS.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-884942422003-02-03T17:15:00.000-05:002003-02-03T17:19:15.000-05:00More Cowbell.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-883484072003-01-31T17:11:00.000-05:002003-01-31T17:11:09.643-05:00I'm not generally one to shill, but These Guys absolutely deserve it. If my friends and I who did this kind of stuff a decade and more ago had the ambition and the technology to make the videos these guys do, we'd have retired by the age of 25. They're selling DVDs of their material for only 15 bucks, and it's well worth it. I plan on purchasing one in the next few days myself.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-883345462003-01-31T12:10:00.000-05:002003-01-31T12:13:12.000-05:00No reason - no explanation - so play the violins
It's always funny until someone gets hurt...
And then it's just hilarious ! Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-882678822003-01-30T09:23:00.000-05:002003-01-30T09:32:11.000-05:00nap' (np) n. A brief sleep, often during the day. intr.v. napped, nap·ping, naps To sleep for a brief period, often during the day; doze.So, basically, what I did last night where I laid down at 8 PM and didn't get out of bed until 8 AM today other than to turn out some lights and get under the covers was definitely not take a nap. So to anyone that I might have said "I'm going to go take a Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-881549372003-01-28T09:01:00.000-05:002003-01-28T09:01:29.640-05:00So who goes looking on the internet for something called "Rate My Taint", and better yet, why am I the #3 search result for such a thing?Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-881090072003-01-27T13:49:00.000-05:002003-01-27T13:49:11.970-05:00You know, last night I went to a Super Bowl party, and while a few of us who tend to only go to the parties for the booze, snacks, and commercials were gathered outside, I came up with a plan that would have made Super Bowl XXXVII the greatest of all time: Third quarter, a whole slew of ninjas run out and attack both teams. Sure, a few linebackers might lose an arm or two, but then the two teams Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-879420202003-01-24T00:45:00.000-05:002003-01-24T00:45:07.966-05:00I was feeling a little down tonight, but thanks to my friend Terry, who sent me this, I can now sleep easy. Surreal Life episode review will be up Friday afternoon on My Real Website. Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-879074302003-01-23T12:20:00.000-05:002003-01-23T12:24:57.000-05:00I'm not sure what it is about her. Maybe it's the frilly red, white, and blue rodeo chaps. Maybe it's the supersized belt buckle. Maybe it's the perfect curvature on the brim of her Resistol™ cowboy hat. But whatever it is, I have fallen for the 2002 Miss Beef Empire Days Rodeo Queen. *sigh*Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-878422352003-01-22T09:54:00.000-05:002003-01-22T09:58:57.000-05:00Things I learned this morning. Also known as advice from me to you, free of charge:I. When you want to remember to bring those Chinese food leftovers that you've had in your fridge for three days to work for lunch, put your keys in the refridgerator before you go to bed. Foolproof.II. No matter how much the temptation grabs you, never turn down the volume on your radio if it wakes you up in the Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-877325232003-01-20T11:17:00.000-05:002003-01-20T11:17:23.500-05:00Ro Bertno Elwood: you're a codsack.
undershirtusa: what is a codsack? I dont know.
Ro Bertno Elwood: a sack full of cod.
undershirtusa: well, there you are.
Ro Bertno Elwood: obviously.
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-876053952003-01-17T15:07:00.000-05:002003-01-17T15:07:50.386-05:00I swear to holy Christ, the paper towels in the bathroom at my work smell like Doritos. I mean, like, exactly.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-875533532003-01-16T16:33:00.000-05:002003-01-16T16:58:24.000-05:00By popular demand (okay, I'm lying, like two people have asked me about it, since nobody reads this site anymore other than JR and Amy), I've decided to post some pics from my Saturday at the Superbowl of Motorsports. I was going to post a thumbnail table again, but I'm really feeling too lazy to make the thumbnails and then link them to the pics, especially since Snapfish is acting like a prick Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-874643122003-01-15T02:22:00.000-05:002003-01-15T02:22:35.956-05:00I'm willing to bet my life would be a lot better if I had a ripcord like one of those little toys I played with as a child.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-873392422003-01-13T00:42:00.000-05:002003-01-13T00:52:20.000-05:00You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only use the edge!This Saturday, Saturday, Saturday I had the pleasure of joining several others in enjoying the Superbowl of Motorsports at the Geooooorgia Doooome. Yes, as we did last year, we got to mingle with the lowest common denominator while watching big ol' trucks go around in circles. Is anything better? Anyway, I got some footage of the event, Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-872335582003-01-10T15:41:00.000-05:002003-01-10T15:41:01.840-05:00Surreal!Please tell me that after watching The Surreal Life last night, I'm not the only person in the world who wants to punch Emmanuel Lewis in the face.Today I had my first ever hernia test, all so I could get a free van from work. The things I go through. I feel so violated.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-871754942003-01-09T13:25:00.000-05:002003-01-09T13:25:21.323-05:00(12:06:57 PM) You have just entered room "Touch My Taint."CheZPinKDnB (12:06:58 PM): doesn't it tickleNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-870987872003-01-08T00:42:00.000-05:002003-01-08T00:44:30.000-05:00The Rules of CartoonsIf there's a woman on the show who's not a member of G.I.Joe or Cobra, nine out of ten times she's really a member of G.I.Joe or Cobra in disguise. Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-870973712003-01-08T00:03:00.000-05:002003-01-08T00:03:35.820-05:00Cat facts 101If there's one thing that will always be a constant in this world, it's that a cat will always forsake anything else in the world for a shot to dirty up a freshly changed litter box. It's like a mission that all felines are instinctively bred with.Oh yeah, I managed to turn a profit at trivia again tonight without knowing half the answers.
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-870792812003-01-07T17:12:00.000-05:002003-01-07T17:12:22.010-05:00Sound Off!Over there on My Real Website I've finally appeased the requests of those who have asked for a message board. So I strongly encourage everyone who reads this to go register and start posting. Word.Oh, and while we're at it, Rate My Kitten and Rate My Kitten again.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-869566632003-01-05T04:45:00.000-05:002003-01-05T04:46:02.000-05:00I totally stole this IM log. complete square: sarah fucki9n brosan Que Sera Sera B: haha!complete square: wheet?Que Sera Sera B: you are DRUNKcomplete square: wht are you laughing at>Que Sera Sera B: you're funny and my last name is brosan!complete square: noel and jay atre laughing at meQue Sera Sera B: why?complete square: \nrcaye iu cancomplete square: t ype Que Sera Sera B: hahahahahahaAfterNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-869145832003-01-04T03:08:00.000-05:002003-01-04T03:08:15.880-05:00My cat has been staring at a phantom spot in the corner of my bedroom behind my computer next to the radiator for three days now.I'm really kind of freaked about the whole thing.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-869006492003-01-03T20:18:00.000-05:002003-01-03T20:18:55.996-05:00I got BloggedThank you, Sherrod, because now I don't feel so bad for not posting it myself.Ok have a good weekend byebye.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-868775742003-01-03T09:57:00.000-05:002003-01-03T10:43:08.000-05:00Does this mean I've arrived?I got some hate mail again for my Real Website. This just wasn't from anyone, though. It is signed by none other than Matthew Bright, somewhat semi-famous Hollywood writer-director. Now, the validity of whether or not this is the real Matthew Bright is suspect, but I figured I'd go ahead and publish it.From: [xxx@aol.com]To: [fortheretarded@mindspring.com]Sent: Friday,Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-868126562003-01-01T23:23:00.000-05:002003-01-02T17:54:33.000-05:00New Year's excitementI went ahead and uploaded some pics from last night's New Year's Eve party at Pete's. And hooray for me, I fixed all the coding nonsense by telling the table to go take a hike and doing it all with line breaks. Yay me. Hover on the thumbnails for a caption.
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-867593302002-12-31T14:47:00.000-05:002002-12-31T14:47:50.770-05:00You all disappoint meYou're all lazy bastards. Don't give me this "it's the holidays" crap, You're all forsaking my comments. That's it, I am not updating this blog until you comment. I mean it --Oh wait, I guess, just like, nevermind. Happy Nu Year.
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-866985532002-12-30T09:59:00.000-05:002002-12-30T09:59:28.570-05:00Shake the DiseaseYou know what sucks about vacations?They end.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-866869522002-12-30T01:18:00.000-05:002002-12-30T01:18:07.646-05:00We still won, but it's the principleBill Paxton was not in Fargo. The trivia guy is dead wrong.And for all you folk who haven't commented on my last post, just download the goddamn song. It's the Jam. Ray Charles is a friggin deity.This post brought to you by Overkill on Italics, Inc.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-866687822002-12-29T15:53:00.000-05:002002-12-29T15:54:21.000-05:00My theme song (with thanks to Ray Charles)
My bills are all due and the baby needs shoes and I'm busted
Cotton is down to a quarter a pound, but I'm busted
I got a cow that went dry and a hen that won't lay
A big stack of bills that gets bigger each day
The county's gonna haul my belongings away cause I'm busted.
I went to my brother to ask for a loan cause I was busted
I hate to beg like a dogNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-865962402002-12-27T13:58:00.000-05:002002-12-27T14:00:06.000-05:00post X messSo I know I'm getting old and domesticated when I can honestly say the Christmas gift I got that I'm the most excited about is this baker's rack:But it sure does make my kitchen look a lot better. I also got some DVDs and some shirts, and a few other assorted things. The DVDs may go back to the store this afternoon so I can put them toward a digital camera that doesn't take pictures asNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-865158712002-12-25T10:47:00.000-05:002002-12-25T10:52:27.000-05:00Politically Incorrect Christmas Wishes from Mr. Garrison I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle EastNo trees, no snow, no Santa Claus; They have different religious beliefsThey believe in Muhammad, and not in our holiday.And so, every December I go to the Middle East and say, Hey there, Mr. Muslim, Merry Fuckin' Christmas!Put down that book the Koran, and hear some holiday wishesIn Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-864676632002-12-24T00:50:00.000-05:002002-12-24T00:54:46.000-05:00Rate my kitten
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-863039172002-12-19T23:43:00.000-05:002002-12-19T23:43:21.003-05:00Lesson of the day: Kroger's fake Velveeta isn't nearly as tasty as Save-Rite's fake Velveeta.
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-862884022002-12-19T16:56:00.000-05:002002-12-19T16:56:15.856-05:00Okay, right now, go to My Real Website and read my article on The Worst Christmas Special that was Ever to be had. Do not pass Go, do not collect 200 dollars.Why are you still reading this? You go now!Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-862389072002-12-18T17:18:00.000-05:002002-12-18T17:18:09.793-05:00Hrm. I guess I kinda like it.Bear with me for a minute, my cheeks are still kind of sore from the facelift. Hey, at least my comments match the website now (a totally nonplanned bonus, mind you.)Lord of the Rings tonight, baby. And I forgot my 27-sided die.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-862049382002-12-18T00:29:00.000-05:002002-12-18T00:30:59.000-05:00Quick MathCost of getting drunk at Madison Grill after work this evening: $0.00.Cost of gas getting to and from the Vortex afterwards: Roughly $0.50.Cost of the three cans of Pabst I consumed while there: $6.00.Tip: $3.00. Total Winnings for coming in first place at trivia by myself: $30.00.Profit Margin: $20.50 Result: Happy Gnoll.Team name, even though I was solo: The Contracepticons.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-861342422002-12-16T18:08:00.000-05:002002-12-17T09:02:35.000-05:00Me: probably better i was clothed if hot food was introduced to the equation. Her: ohHer: yeahMe: I spill things.Her: heheHer: I betNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-861340292002-12-16T18:03:00.000-05:002002-12-16T18:04:52.000-05:00It's too bad we live in a Sandwich-dominated world.
Corned beef to the left 'a me!
Corned beef to the right 'a me!
Wait a minute, no.
Corned beef to the left 'a me!
Sauerkraut to the right 'a me!
Rye bread in front 'a me!
Cheese comin' from behind!
And then everybody - ate - a sandwich!
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-859905922002-12-14T09:13:00.000-05:002002-12-14T09:13:58.000-05:00Everybody needs to buy Greg stuff because he fixed my car today in 32 seconds without the aid of a single tool.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-859886862002-12-14T07:33:00.000-05:002002-12-14T07:49:54.000-05:00So begins another bleary dayWaking up at 7 AM on a Saturday is kind of like satisfying some sort of morbid curiosity.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-858931822002-12-12T08:59:00.000-05:002002-12-12T09:00:10.000-05:00Heh heh heh, oh-ho boy! Oh man, I never laughed so hard, until I cried! And I laughed some more! And I laughed, a lot! Oh man, I'm laughin' so much! I can't stop laughin'!
All you ever do is bring me down, and I can't stop laughin',
Turn my happy smile into a frown,
You keep on tellin' me that you'll be - I'm slobberin' on myself -
Well, don't let the front door hit you on your stupid - ah ha Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-858732242002-12-11T22:18:00.000-05:002002-12-11T22:18:43.026-05:00They say that breaking up is hard to do. Now I know, I know that it's true.
All you ever do is bring me down, down down,
Turn my happy smile into a frown, frown, frown.
You keep on tellin' me that you'll be leaving soon -
Well, don't let the front door hit you on the backside when you do!
Don't let the front door hit you on the backside when you leave,
We're finally though and there's no Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-857846872002-12-10T10:13:00.000-05:002002-12-10T10:15:08.000-05:00Big pimpin, spendin' cheeseWhile perusing other peoples' blogs this morning, I asked myself a serious question:Have we reached the point in our society where we necessitate a product like Easy Mac? I mean, is there something inherently difficult about regular Kraft Macaroni and Cheese that I'm missing? I mean, what's so hard about boil, drain, and add cheese?
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-857336202002-12-09T11:52:00.000-05:002002-12-09T11:52:28.350-05:00There won't be snow in Africa this ChristmasNot having a car sucks, especially when you plan your weekend around having one. Oh, I have a car. Two weeks ago, I paid good money to ensure that that car was running. And yet, again, it isn't. Don't know why. Some magical man at the shopping center where it first happened jiggled something and made it work, but when I got it home I couldn't repeat theNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-855264962002-12-05T02:17:00.000-05:002002-12-05T02:18:41.000-05:00Funniest search result ever "Clark Howard" +porn.I shit you not. Look at the results on page three.I wonder if they were looking for pictures of Clark doing the nasty, or just looking for the best deals on adult movies?Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-854980622002-12-04T15:19:00.000-05:002002-12-04T15:19:49.713-05:00Don't stop believin'I'm updating in a feeble attempt to stay awake while in a training class at work. My instructor is droning on and sounds almost exactly like Emo Phillips but occasionally goes into this unsettling low grumble every now and then. Keith is looking at pictures of shoes and Stacy looks like he's gonna drift off any time now. I just ate some chicken and forgot my coffee. Whoops.
Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-854689272002-12-04T01:18:00.000-05:002002-12-04T15:20:19.000-05:00Two totally unrelated things as I stumble home from the bar.This weekend I learned that my friend Beth and I both have a tendency to call our respective felines "puddinhead" for no apparent reason.If anyone knows where I can rent a copy of Silent Night, Deadly Night, please point me in the proper direction.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-854518862002-12-03T18:53:00.000-05:002002-12-03T19:33:35.000-05:00Fan Mail? From some flounder?Well, since the relaunch of My Real Website, I've gotten several pieces of e-mail from people I don't even know giving me positive feedback. And to those who have, I greatly appreciate it. But the price of fame is the critic, I guess. Here's the piece of mail I received in my inbox today.From: Evans, Stephen {EvansStephen@illbeniceandblockthis.com}Subject: More like, Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-854046242002-12-02T19:47:00.000-05:002002-12-02T19:47:33.096-05:004 lost days.So I had a 4-day weekend, didn't accomplish a goddamn thing, and am okay with that. Well, actually, I barely left the house all day Friday and Saturday, but I did spend Thursday with my moms and Sunday picking up a holiday shift at the store I used to manage. I managed to never say I was thankful for anything. Ah well. Thanksgiving's just an afterthought in the big picture, just kind Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-851943332002-11-27T23:12:00.000-05:002002-11-27T23:12:05.473-05:00Technology is fun.On a rerun of "Friends" Chandler just bragged about his new computer, stating that it had "12 MB of RAM, a 500 megabyte Hard Drive, and a built-in modem that transmits at over 28,000 baud." And the only person who laughed was me. The laugh track was silent. That's amazing. I'm guessing this episode was from '96 at the very latest.Of course, on the preceding episode of "Just Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-851699472002-11-27T12:34:00.000-05:002002-11-27T12:34:42.510-05:00Silver Bells, Silver Bells...Well, I've done gone and given My Real Website a festive holiday look, as well as posted the first of ten in the "Retarded Christmas Top Ten" movies. You'll just have to keep checking back, because I'm doing them one at a time in a feeble attempt to draw traffic to the website.The music that's on the winamp? Willie Nelson, "Crazy".Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-851125852002-11-26T10:55:00.000-05:002002-11-26T11:34:04.000-05:00All I have to do is dreamI had dreams last night. In spades. I don't know what it was. I usually don't remember my dreams very well, but last night I had some doozies that I remember rather vividly.The first dream involves some party at some weird spooky house that appeared to be in Norris Lake. There were a lot of redneckish Camaro-driving people there, and a lot of people seemed to be involved Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-850572142002-11-25T10:31:00.000-05:002002-11-25T10:34:05.000-05:00Umm....GIVE ME BACK MY FUR.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-850566072002-11-25T10:18:00.000-05:002002-11-25T10:26:07.000-05:00Look out weekends, cause here I come. Because weekends were made for funI think I killed a few brain cells in the last 72 hours. Did a little drinkin' on Friday with an old friend I haven't seen a lot since he bought a house way up in North Georgia. We met up with some others at the bar later on and proceeded to get to' up. Don't really remember the trip home so much, but I do remember bugging myNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-850540042002-11-25T09:14:00.000-05:002002-11-25T09:14:00.003-05:00Come the hell on, you Starbucks snobsThe coffee we have here at work isn't that bad. Especially for free.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-849390412002-11-22T15:20:00.000-05:002002-11-22T15:20:01.790-05:00Answer alreadyTo the previous question, the answer is "around twenty".Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-849373992002-11-22T14:41:00.000-05:002002-11-22T14:41:14.700-05:00If it's not love, then it's the bomb that will bring us togetherI wonder how many of these Teriyaki chicken wings that my boss bought for us today I can eat before I spontaneously combust, or at least wish that I already had. Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-848882922002-11-21T16:24:00.000-05:002002-11-21T16:24:36.996-05:00Blog WoesI'm bored with this. I can't explain it. I pull up my blog. I stare at it. I click on my links. I look at how much funnier other people are. I check my stats. They wane ever so rapidly. I sigh. I shirk work while staring aimlessly at it. I'm too lazy to modify the template. Blah. I've run out of Blog Desire™. Help me get it back.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-847689852002-11-19T11:47:00.000-05:002002-11-19T11:47:41.000-05:00Another one bites the dustFirst Richard Harris, now this:Are there any of the old Hollywood tough guys left anymore, other than Eastwood?Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-847212712002-11-18T14:57:00.000-05:002002-11-18T14:57:32.993-05:00You have too many toesEven though my back hurts and my nose is stuffy, I'm shirking duties at work to write new material for my real website. Review for Comic Book Villains is up now (bad) and one for the new Harry Potter coming up in a little while (good). Go. Read. Post thoughts. Whatever. JR Gast 1: you should review porn on MC4TRCurrent Music (hah, you thought I forgot!): Public Enemy, "Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-846930142002-11-18T00:19:00.000-05:002002-11-18T00:19:47.000-05:00Bad thingRiding a bike a mile almost completely uphill in 30 degree weather wearing only jeans, a hoodie, and a t-shirt while lugging 20 pounds worth of groceries on your back is never a good thing.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-846693332002-11-17T14:28:00.000-05:002002-11-18T00:20:36.000-05:00Ho Hum.This has been the least productive weekend ever.Friday night was fun, summed up as briefly as possible in the last update. After that, though, I've been more or less unable to leave the apartment save for a few odd moments. Yesterday Greg and JR were gonna come by and help me with my car problem, but weather didn't permit, so it looks like I've got another week before I'm able to do Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-846153422002-11-16T03:53:00.000-05:002002-11-16T03:57:13.000-05:00Hey, Must be the MoneyFriday. Shweck's Birthday. Rusan. House salad. Plum wine. Tiger beef. Sake. Shrimp Yakitori. Sesame Chicken skewer. Biting into a staple. Pete playing with a shrimp head. Fried ice cream. Moe's and Joe's. Pabst. No Riddle. The 'Mont. Blondie. More beer. T-r-a-v-i-s. Masters tease. Lori giving me a lift. Jason's apartment. Keystone light. Attention-starved cat. Me typing thisNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-845273812002-11-14T10:01:00.000-05:002002-11-14T10:01:08.010-05:00An effort to increase trafficGoogle is on top of things lately. I'm getting tons of hits from people searching for "Yoda da Man" all of a sudden, on top of all the ones from folks looking for Transducing Capacitors and Multi-Dimensional Warp Generators. I even got hits from a Grand Theft Auto: Vice City search, and I just posted something about that on Monday. So I figure now is a better time Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-844239442002-11-12T11:52:00.000-05:002002-11-12T12:01:21.000-05:00Overalls: Huge in France
RobertNoelWood: i'm in this hige debate on a newsgroup pver what constitutes a one-hit wonder
JR Gast 1: I'd say has to hit top 5
JR Gast 1: and then nothing in the top 20 after that
RobertNoelWood: call me crazy, but i'd say that having more than one hit precludes someone from being a one hit wonder
JR Gast 1: exactly
RobertNoelWood: i disagree, i say top 40
JR Gast 1: Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-843477892002-11-11T00:30:00.000-05:002002-11-11T00:34:44.000-05:00Everybody's working for the weekendHighlights of this weekend:1. Walking in to the Earl on Friday night and seeing a bunch of reall preppy guys totally rocking out to Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills".2. New episode of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. 3. Looking for a pair of pants to wear while doing laundry and going to the "too small to fit me" drawer and pulling out a pair of pants I Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-842507892002-11-08T17:14:00.000-05:002002-11-08T17:14:20.430-05:00The unknown question.I just found out some interesting news that could either mean that I'm going to either have a really good weekend or a really frustrating one. I guess I'll find out.Oh yeah, and I'm gonna see an Emo show next week. No, not the whiny music emo. I just found out that Emo Phillips is gonna be in town next week, and I resolve to *totally* go and see him. Who's with me?Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-841892362002-11-07T16:04:00.000-05:002002-11-07T16:04:09.183-05:00My new brideThanks to my new favorite website (damn you Keith...), I have found my future bride: Her name is Galina, she's 29, an Aries, and she's an actress as well as a shop attendant. She dislikes lies, cold, and "doing nothing". And she lives in Volzhsky, Russia. You can read all about her here. Actually, upon firther inspection, I'm not old enough to fit what she's seeking. So maybe I'll go Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-841793532002-11-07T12:11:00.000-05:002002-11-07T12:11:27.243-05:00Math Majors, speak upSo what are the odds of this happening? I have 1,316 MP3 files on my computer here at work. I have them set to play in random order, never once repeating until all of them are played once. Somehow, by an anazing twist of chance, I get Weird Al's "Another One Rides the Bus", and then immediately afterward, the Queen song that it's parodying. Seriously, what are the statistic Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-841026242002-11-06T01:08:00.000-05:002002-11-06T01:22:59.000-05:00Holy Damn. I should not vote more often.R.I.P. Democratic Party. 1848-2002. On a lighter note, I'm sorry to whatever power that oversees my apartment read my complaint about the temperature earlier today. It's now 27 degrees in here. What the hell is that all aboot?Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-840750702002-11-05T14:57:00.000-05:002002-11-05T14:57:42.296-05:00Here's your updateIt's raining like hell outside. I hate having to drive to work. Even though it's 40 degrees outside, it's 100 degrees in my apartment and there's nothing I can do about it because I have radiators. My neck barely turns now, and I'm only 27 years old. That scares me. Weekend was kind of low-key this time around. Spent Saturday afternoon looking in vain for an affordable microwaveNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-838862502002-11-01T14:17:00.000-05:002002-11-01T14:17:37.233-05:00Yoda da man?I should know better than to post drunk.So anyway, I just saw a commercial for Star Wars Episode II on DVD, and they have the generic action-comedy voiceover guy throwing out some "Who da man? Yoda da man!" catchphrase, with the big red letters flashing up on the screen repeating it. And all of a sudden, I just lost even more of my childhood.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-838665142002-11-01T04:15:00.000-05:002002-11-01T04:21:52.000-05:00Apartment InventoryUpon stumbling home from my Halloween exploits, I ran into a neighbor. One I've never met before. One returning from a night of partying herself, dressed in the sexiest goddamn nurse costume I've ever seen. So here's what I have so far, as far as inventory of my building, which I think I'm now one of the top 4 longest tenants of.Apartment 1: Lisa. Old friend of mine. Cute girl.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-838424832002-10-31T16:14:00.000-05:002002-10-31T16:27:47.000-05:00More fun with GooglismHere's my matches for some others, since J.R. and Lori both failed to get responses:
For Jason:
jason royal is seen backstage talking to savannah
And his alter-ego:
complete square is a number which has an integral square root
complete square is 81 units
complete square is 3"
complete square is shown below
complete square is often seen even though one corner of the squareNoelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-838393682002-10-31T15:02:00.000-05:002002-10-31T15:02:59.050-05:00I was robbedIn my office costume contest today, I somehow managed to not place at all. In a field of like 7 or 8 costume. In the "funniest" category, I was beaten by a guy in a pimp costume. A friggin' pimp costume. Do you know how many thousands of people wear pimp costumes every year? Then I also lost to my supervisor, dressed as a french maid, and a guy with billy bob teeth. I was way funnier Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-838358652002-10-31T13:38:00.000-05:002002-10-31T13:39:17.000-05:00Hey, it's that Lesko guy!Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-838282802002-10-31T10:55:00.000-05:002002-10-31T10:55:20.480-05:00SAM FRIGGIN HAIN.So today, as I sit here at work in my cubicle, dressed like Matthew Lesko, without Jason around, and kind of hung over from last night, I decided to see what Googlism had to say about me:
noel wood is the personification
noel wood is so convincing as the mentally disturbed harlan
noel wood is a splendid petruchio
noel wood is a san francisco veteran and has acted on stage Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-837376712002-10-29T17:22:00.000-05:002002-10-29T17:22:33.423-05:00Controversy!
Something tells me I'm going to get a lot of shit for the newest article I wrote on My Real Website. I guess time will tell.Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-836906842002-10-28T19:59:00.000-05:002002-10-28T20:04:13.000-05:00Punk as Fuck Noelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3769156.post-836834792002-10-28T17:18:00.000-05:002002-10-28T17:18:50.173-05:00Okay, I take that backI would not watch the Louie Anderson "Family Feud" after all. Not for VH1 Classic, not for a date with Sherilyn Fenn, not for a million dollars. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Oh yeah, check out the JACKASS review on My Real Website.Currently crankin': Inspiral Carpets, "Two Worlds Collide".Noelnoreply@blogger.com